dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize