my vag is so smooth its legendary
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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