i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
