So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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