so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
the liver wants what the liver wants
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
