When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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