Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
