Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
