Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
