omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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