Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
