I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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