He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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