Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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