he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
