butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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