just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
