Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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