we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
