you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
