There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I could fuck to npr.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
