She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
