Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
