ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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