Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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