just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
