Will you blow on my dice?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
