Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
