I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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