We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
