Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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