how hairy? two words: wookie tits
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
