just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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