I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
