I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
