Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
