I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
