and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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