my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
