I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
