i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
