Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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