all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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