im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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