So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
