Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
