is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
