Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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