You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
