apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize