so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
