We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
