you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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