there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
we should paint friendship bongs
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
