Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize