I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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