he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize