dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
