i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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