No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize