I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
