just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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