Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he was CRYING into my vagina
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
