Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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