Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
