i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
