I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
