You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize