I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
