By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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