Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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