I cannot find my penis.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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