Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
