Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
