one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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