i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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