so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
