I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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