He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
