I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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