I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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