Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
