as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
