I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
