the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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