Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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