If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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