U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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