she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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