I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
