I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
