she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
