I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
