After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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