I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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