she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
