I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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