Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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