I think I am morally bankrupt
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
