I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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