YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
