The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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