Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
