My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
