I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
