i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
