Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
