ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm having to shit out rocks
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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