i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You are a genius and a whore.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
