It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
