Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
