Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
