you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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