too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
