Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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