We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
